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| The Freak Show SKINNY B WHEN SKINNY B GREW UP IN THE DARK AGES HE KNEW HE DESTINED FOR GREATNESS WHEN HE MET A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN WHO TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX. AFTER TAKING THAT KNOWLEDGE AND WORKING AT A BROTHEL IN MEXICO, SKINNY B EVENTUALLY HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE ALL OF THE LOCALS COULD NO LONGER GET DATES. AFTER WORKING SEVERAL ODD JOBS ACROSS THE COUNTRY INCLUDING A SHOE SHINE BOY, THE GROUND PEPPER GUY AT A RESTUARANT, AND A MANURE SIFTER ON A HOG FARM, SKINNY B FINALLY HAD ENOUGH; HE NEEDED TO FIND A JOB IN WHICH HE COULD USE THE SKILLS HE HAD LEARNED IN MEXICO. SO HE PACKED UP AND LEFT IOWA AND LANDED IN SOUTHEAST NEBRASKA. AT THIS POINT SKINNY B WAS WORKING THE FRYERS AT MCDONALDS WHEN HE MET WHAT WOULD BECOME HIS HETERO LIFE PARTNER…SHED. SHED THE STORY OF SHED IS NOT AN UNCOMMON ONE. HE WAS BORN ON A SUNNY NEBRASKA DAY SOMEWHERE IN A CORNFIELD. HIS FORMIDABLE YEARS WERE SPENT LIVING ON A FARM AMONGST THE OTHER ANIMALS. WHEN HE TURNED 10 HIS PARENTS FINALLY LET HIM MOVE INTO THE HOUSE AND EAT THEIR TABLE SCRAPS. AT AGE 11 HIS PARENTS LEFT HIM AND THE FARM CITING HIS SMELL AND FATNESS AS REASONS FOR LEAVING HIM. HE WAS LEFT WITH NOTHING BUT A TV AND A SATELLITE DISH. HIS DAYS WERE FILLED BY WATCHING CRAPPY RERUNS AND FALLING ASLEEP TO HIS SCREAMS. EH SOON BALLOONED TO A MASSIVE 850 POUNDS AND WAS REMOVED FROM HIS HOUSE WITH THE HELP OF A FORKLIFT AND A SMALL CRANE. IN THE HOSPITAL HE SOON DECIDED THAT HE NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE. HE WANTED TO BE A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY. THE MONTHS PASSED AND SOON SHED WAS DOWN TO 300 POUNDS AND WAS ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL. HE WORKED HARD TO ACHIEVE HIS GOAL OF GETTING A “JOB” AND BEING A MEMBER OF SOCIETY. THIS THOUGH WAS HARD FOR SHED AS HE HAD NO EDUCATION AND WAS CONSIDERED “MILDLY RETARDED.” TIMES WERE HARD BUT SHED MADE A LIFE FOR HIMSELF LIVING IN BOXES AND PLAYNG HIS TROMBONE ON THE STREET CORNER. THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENED! AMERICA BECAME OBSESSED WITH FAST FOOD AND MANY ESTABLISHMENTS LOWERED THEIR HIRING STANDARDS. WITH ONE LAST GLIMMER OF HOPE SHED APPLIED ONE LAST TIME AND WAS HIRED. HE HAD FINALLY ACHIEVED HIS DREAM. HE WAS NOW EMPLOYED AT MCDONALDS…. The FreakShow ONE DAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A LUNCH RUSH AT MICKEY D’S SKINNY B POSED THE QUESTION TO SHED…WHAT BETTER WAY TO TEACH OTHERS WHAT THEY KNEW THEN RADIO, BUT WHAT KIND OF STATION COUNTRY…NO THE COWBOYS JUST COULDN’T UNDERSTAND THEIR VOCABULARY…SOFT ROCK?...NO THAT JUST MADE THE SOCCER MOM’S DREAM THAT THERE WERE REAL MEN OUT THERE THAT WERE EXCITING…ROCK OF COURSE!...THE TYPE OF STATION WHERE THE LISTENERS WERE JUST LIKE THEM. AFTER SEVERAL RADIO STATIONS TURNED THEM DOWN, THEY LANDED IN THE TRI-CITIES AND THE HILARITY ENSUES TO THIS DAY. |
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